It can be very discouraging when too many hijab selling venues (on their facebook pages at least) can be very misogynistic in the name of modesty and hijab etc.
like fuck you shut up
Welcome to things atypical
Covert abuse, with its systematic erosion of your self-worth through continuous invalidation can train you to gradually believe all the negative messages about yourself.
Let me say this. Even if you did something that hurt or offended someone, nothing you could have done merits the lack of respect and the cruelty that covert abuse entails. Choosing to respond with manipulation is not appropriate. When someone does, that choice reflects on them, not you.
And just because there may be others who agree or contribute to that abuse (as in relational aggression) does not make it right. Numbers do not justify these actions any more than if they were done by one.
Let’s say you did commit some transgression on another. They have the right to object. They have the right to tell you how they feel and how your actions affected them. They have the right to hold you accountable. They have a right to seek a resolution or to make a decision to walk away from what they find unacceptable or to secure a remedy through appropriate channels.
They do not have the right to be punitive. They do not have the right to complain to everyone but you. They do not have the right to put you down or spread rumors or assault your reputation. They do not have the right to twist facts, fabricate stories or blatantly lie, selectively or through omission. They do not have the right to play mind games with you, sabotage you or in any way assault you, verbally, emotionally or psychologically.
They do not have the right to invalidate you in such a way that you slowly begin to think you are going insane.
These things are cruel and there are no good reasons for cruelty. There are, however, excuses.
There may be triggers for the abuser, but triggers are not reasons. Triggers are personal. They are about the one triggered, not the perceived catalyst for it.
Sometimes, just who you are can trigger feelings of jealously in a person. You may find yourself on the receiving end of covert abuse for your positive outlook, the things that make you unique, your intelligence or creativity or perspective on life.
Perhaps you are targeted because of something you have — a job, a coveted partner or good friends or a loving family. It isn’t a crime to be fortunate or different or exceptional in whatever way others may perceive you to be. These are not punishable offenses. But a covert abuser may see them as such and that “seeing” reflects on them, not you.
- Demian Yumei, Self-Blame on covertabuse.com (via jadedcattybitchery)
With all the posts about triggers and boundaries I’ve seen…
This is probably the least reblogged quote I’ve posted, and I think I understand why now. This was more about personal emotional triggers.
The author is not saying that you don’t have the right to stand up for yourself while triggered. In fact, she says you do. She’s also not saying the the feelings behind triggers aren’t valid. Of course they are. But there’s a difference between validity and truth. Your feelings, while valid and important, do not necessarily pertain to the reality of the situation. This was actually key for me to become more self-aware, claim myself and my feelings, and being better able to establish boundaries for myself and uphold them without guilt, although that is a process.
But what the author is speaking out against is a tactic of covert abuse where people manipulate the situation to paint you up as the abuser for triggering feelings of jealousy, abandonment, and any other insecurities in them. Of course it’s important for people to self-evaluate and see if they did cross boundaries. And of course it’s important for others to be able to stand up for themselves. But it’s not right, and is abusive for others who are lacking self-awareness to shift all blame on you for their own insecurities (and it’s a-okay to be insecure, though covert abusers don’t wan to own up to their own insecurities and faults), use projection to shove all of their own feelings onto you — using you as an emotional dumpster as punishment, or try to manipulate the situation, not even telling you that you’re on trial, just so that they can “win” something.
There’s no excuse for abuse, or trying to control or take power away from someone, even though abusers try to find one. Bullies cover up their own insecurities all the time and find any excuse to attack those who trigger those insecurities. For example, fat people are bullied because skinnier people couldn’t live with themselves if they were fat. So they’re actually projecting their own insecurities, and also wielding their privilege against fat people when they do make fat jokes or catty comments. Insecurity is one of the basic reasons why people bully and abuse.
White women’s tears is a classic example of this sort of behavior. White women often have their own insecurities out in the open if they are called out for their privilege — being told their white privilege will not save them in this particular situation. So they cry, say you’re abusive, and possibly cry to every other white person and spread rumors about the meanie PoC.
But I’m actually seeing this behavior everywhere and from all types of people, especially on Tumblr. I was a target of it on here. That’s why I think with all the talks about boundaries and triggers, it’s important to keep this in mind too and know that “playing the victim” and “vilifying the victim” are also abusive tactics. Abuse isn’t always so easy to identify, and it can be so easy to enable, allow, and actually join in on it (relational aggression). If you think you’re totally immune to abuse culture, it’s more likely that you’re not. Just like nobody can escape responsibility for rape culture, racism, misogyny, cissexism, etc., which are also all forms of abuse, nobody can escape responsibility from this culture full of abuse, either. We all play a part in it.
You have to know that you’re a part of it no matter what, hold yourself accountable for your own actions, and know you have the basic right to boundaries and establish them.
(via jadedcattybitchery)
I think this is a good time for a reminder. (Also, psst. Abusive of any kind does not necessarily have to exist in a parent-child or romantic-relationship context. People you think your friends can be fucking too. And no. You have done nothing to deserve abuse.)
(Source: jadedcattybrownbitch, via themindislimitless)
(Source: pusheen, via tastefullyoffensive)
I asked all of the gay male students in the room to raise their hand if in the past week they touched a woman’s body without her consent. After a moment of hesitation, all of the hands of the gay men in the room went up. I then asked the same gay men to raise their hand if in the past week they offered a woman unsolicited advice about how to “improve” her body or her fashion. Once again, after a moment of hesitation, all of the hands in the room went up.
These questions came after a brief exploration of gay men’s relationship to American fashion and women’s bodies. That dialogue included recognizing that gay men in the United States are often hailed as the experts of women’s fashion and by proxy women’s bodies. In addition to this there is a dominant logic that suggests that because gay men have no conscious desire to be sexually intimate with women, our uninvited touching and groping (physical assault) is benign.
(via queerhairyvag)
Depression is useful—it signals that you need to make changes in your life, it challenges your tendency to withdraw, it reminds you to take action. To reclaim body consciousness tienes que moverte—go for walks, salir a conocer el mundo, engage with the world.
(Source: la-hija-del-quinto-sol, via themindislimitless)
American workers are more likely to be killed by their boss than a terrorist.
Every day, workers are forced to minimize safety in order to keep their jobs. The vast majority of American workers have no unions to defend their right to workplace safety. The U.S. Department of Labor and other federal agencies do not protect workers from being killed on the job.
The explosion in West, Texas was as big as the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing by Timothy McVeigh, yet there will be no war on this kind of terrorism. This is because the prevailing philosophy is profit before people.
American workers are more likely to be killed by their boss than a terrorist. Last year, approximately 5,000 workers were killed at work by unsafe conditions.
Kevin Harrington, New York City
(via socialismartnature)
Truth.
Congress has been doing its best to gut OSHA for a long, long time now: fines have not risen in ages (big companies can absorb the “you willfully killed an employee” fine without blinking), and OSHA has had a shit of a time promulgating new regulations. Most OSHA regs date back to ANSI standards of the late 60s, and iirc, the last big update of chemical standards was in the mid-80s. (One of the last reg updates — hexavalent chrome, the same chemical that the Julia Roberts film was about — only happened because a union had sued for AN ETERNITY to get it. They won several times running — once to say, yes, you shall have your regulation; again to say, what, you mean you wanted it in a timely manner??; and again to say, what, when you said “timely manner” you meant timely-timely and not just whenever?? — before the courts finally told Congress to BACK THE FUCK OFF and let OSHA make their reg already.)
…do I need to tell you how much manufacturing has changed since 1969? How about the chemical industry? SO MANY NEW CHEMICALS SINCE THE 1980s.
Hell, it’s gotten so bad, that the chemists (industrial hygienists, they’re called) employed by OSHA and NIOSH formed their own professional organization (the NCGIH), which publishes a book every year of what the regulations WOULD be if they got to have their say. And employers-of-conscience use THAT book in addition to the OSHA regs. But then a bunch of industry lobbyists up and sued NCGIH, trying to force them to stop publishing that book, because the book was making them look bad and sometimes helping employees win employer-negligence lawsuits.
(this is my bitter laugh)
And mind you, this all is far, far worse when viewed from an intersectionality perspective. F’rinstance, immigrants are FAR more likely to be killed on the job than other workers: some of that roots in language or culture (not knowing they have rights to a safer workplace than they’ve got, or not believing in those rights, once told; or alternatively, not being able to communicate with coworkers/employers well enough to understand what is or is not a dangerous way to do something), some of it is being in such an economically precarious position that they can’t afford to take the risk of trusting in whistleblower protections (which are far, far from perfect), and some of it is living in dead fear of *other* branches of the federal government (ICE!) and thus being justifiably unwilling to cooperate with *any* government inspectors. (In Oregon, there is a law expressly forbidding OR-OSHA inspectors from sharing info with immigration or police, to help back the “no really, you can trust me, I won’t turn you in, even if I *wanted* to the law forbids me from doing so, just tell me, IS YOUR EMPLOYER TRING TO KILL YOU?” Some white people are as mad as hell about that law and want it gutted, as you might imagine. God forbid that undocumented workers should have any kind of protection from their employers!)
The situation is a long, long way from how it was supposed to work, back when it was all set up in 1971. And yes, union-busting is part of the reason for that.
…and y’know, I’m just going to stop talking now, because I could go on about this for a long, long time.
But in summation: you should be able to go to work and come home with as many body parts as you left with, and you should be able to come home with them all in good working order, too. You really, really fucking should.
(via sanguinarysanguinity)
(Source: socialistworker.org, via themindislimitless)
This little company from Kenya makes toys from slippers that wash up on the beach. Pictures by Ben Curtis
How glorious is this?! Upcycling at its finest…
(via themindislimitless)
Presenting Horrible Movie Clichés, an illustrated guide, brought to you by the New York International Latino Film Festival.
(via theuncolonizedmind)
OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH PROCRASTINATION TIME TO WRITE MYSELF A COVER LETTER
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month!!!
Thus far, my sorors and I have been working hard to spread the word, from our “Teal Tuesdays” (teal is the official color for the commemorative month), to sharing statistics and facts with the student body, to our whiteboard campaign. It was great to see my peers willingly join in and express themselves, as we worked to raise awareness about SAAM. :)
This is just a few of the MANY photos we have taken, posted, and shared…and from what I’ve been informed, our movement has been picked up by the Deltas and our sorors at Bethune-Cookman University, as well.
Service…gotta love it!
This is so perfect and I am so in love and actually have tears in my eyes this is perfect.
(via agayhopelessromantic)
